Malaria: It's the New Strep Throat

• So last year the person in Jinja from my dorm never got sick once. Not even some indigestion from the new food. So of course I came into this summer hoping to have an "iron stomach" like him. Sadly this was not the case. I like to refer to this time in my life as the jejunum rebellion of 2010. I've had about a months worth of toilet visits in the past 4 days. My thighs are literally bruised and purple from the amount of time I've spent there.
  
• Anyways when the drugs I brought with me weren't cutting it so I decided to try out the doctors here. When you're a kid in America if you go to the doctor with pretty much any of the standard symptoms they check you for strep. Why not right? Well apparently they do that with malaria here. Headache? Malaria test. Upset stomach? Malaria test. Hell if you break your arm I wouldn't be surprised if they test you just to be sure. Anyways long story short they tested me too. But apparently the malaria prevention drugs I'm taking confuse the test so it's impossible to tell if i have malaria. So based on my symptoms and my fever apparently it's fully within the realm of possibility for me to have malaria right now... So regardless of the disease they gave me a big bag of drugs and sent me on my way. And hey I'm feeling better so I guess they know what they're doing.
  
• The government run hospital system is a disaster here. It basically a full day to get something done and that's if there's a doctor on staff that day. But the private clinics here run like clockwork. I walked in the door, saw the doctor, went to the lab and got tested, saw the doctor again, got my drugs at the pharmacy and got out of there in about twenty minutes. No joke twenty minutes. Whole process cost me $18.50. (I'd round to twenty but $1.50 buys two 16 oz. beers at a bar here so that's big money to round off around here). I'm not sure if all private clinics are like that or if it's just because we went to an Indian one.
  
• Little known fact: Indians freaking run this place. The government is nominally in charge but if you want something done right you find an Indian and everyone knows it. They have the only reliable grocery stores (aka clean, cheap, and food with an expiration date), they apparently have the only hospitals worth going to, if you need sandals that will last more than a month of African walking you find one of their stores. And most importantly, they are the only people in the entire country who will sell you a bacon cheeseburger. If that's not power I don't know what is. (Out of fairness to other races and cultures I should mention that an Australian runs the only restaurant I've heard of that will grill you a steak. So that guy probably has a lot of political clout too)
  
• The kids here are adorable. Every morning now the ones in nursery and P1 (preschool and kindergarten) run out shouting "mistah sam mistah sam!" The first two grab a hand and the stragglers kind of grab any free arm space they can find. Some kids don't mess around, they just go straight in for a hug. And then on the way home I usually
  
• I've often complained that Hitler's second greatest offense was that he forever made a great mustache style unwearable. (Crimes against humanity holding a clear and obvious first place for anyone living under a rock who couldn't figure that one out). So imagine my delight when I found out that the Hitler Stache is still going strong in Uganda. Even the priests wear them and most of them are western educated to some degree. I have a picture of a priest fully dressed for mass shaved like Adolf Hitler himself. Possibly my crowning life achievement to date.
  
• My P6 english class really wants me to rap for them. I told them if they behaved on Friday I'd give them they're choice between Jay-Z and Eminem. They also specifically requested that I sing Shakira for them so of course I did a quick rendition of Hips Don't Lie complete with a booty shake at the end. I would have sung She Wolf but I decided I couldn't justify shaking my ass for 35 fifth graders with that song...

**As a disclaimer to any overly concerned adults out there I should clarify that Malaria is easily treatable given the small possibility that I actually have it. I'll be fine**